grovel, the definition of

grovel
verb
to humbly beg for forgiveness
e.g.: The rebellious servant groveled at his wrathful master's feet.

to repeatedly apologize

to fear punishment after forgiveness has been extended

to continually confess the same sin
                                      over and
                                               over again

to wallow in shame

to roll in the thick, black mud of self-inflicted guilt

to place your confidence in redeeming yourself when you've already been redeemed

to fail to trust in Forgiving Love

On the Biblical Roles of Man and Woman (This is as dangerous as it sounds.)

Well. This is adventurous. I'm not exactly sure what I'm thinking; probably nothing rational. But I keep running into this subject lately, and when I reoccurringly run into a subject, I tend to think about it a lot. And when I tend to think about a subject a lot, I usually end up writing about the subject. So here I am.

Patriarchy

Before I get into the deep, dark depths of patriarchy, let me just say that I am aware of the controversy over this term. The term patriarchy may very well have been harmless and even biblical. But culture, beliefs and movements evolve the meanings of certain words into something more specific, good, bad or even offensive. Like swear words. (Kay, that's a little harsh, but hey. It's true. Ish.) So for the purpose of this essay, article or whatever it is, patriarchy refers to the fundamental belief system I will explain in the next few paragraphs. If you don't like it, accept it anyways and move on.

I grew up in a household on the right extreme of this issue. The woman is completely submissive to the man in all situations, not just in marriage. These patriarchs --as they are often called-- are always very careful to say that the men and women are equal; they simply have different roles. At the same time, they teach that the man is spoken to by God, and it is the man's job to relay God's messages to the woman, putting the woman significantly lower than the man. This thinking is both sexist and spiritually damaging. Suddenly, the woman is not only subject to man in lifestyle but also in her relationship with God.

Umbrella of Protection

Another dangerous teaching is that of the umbrella of protection. This doctrine teaches that the man --who both the authoritative leader and the spiritual leader-- is over his entire household, wife included. Not too extreme of a theory. Yet. The catch is that the leadership of the husband creates a sort of "umbrella" over the wife and children. (Yes, hence the title "Umbrella Theory." Look at you being all smart.) This umbrella represents the household under the direction/will of the husband and therefore under the direction/will of God. If the wife or children acts outside of this umbrella, they are outside of the will of God. A woman must always be under an umbrella, either her father's or her husband's, both physically and spiritually. So essentially, a godly man becomes the umbrella of protection over the entirety of his family from Satan's little storm cloud. If a family member leaves the umbrella of protection in any way, shape or form, he or she is subject to the evil of Satan.

Another Form of Feminism

One last danger of patriarchy is what I like to call Re-routed Feminism. While the woman is typically suppressed in patriarchal homes, some are glorified and exalted. This idolization /only/ comes when certain qualifications are met, those being those of a "godly," stay-at-home, virtuous mother of many children. This view can be damaging to both the idolized mother and those women striving to be like their idols. Don't get me wrong. Being a stay-at-home mother /is/ wonderful, and those who are deserve a lot of praise. A lot. But when the focus is on becoming a virtuous wife and mother instead of what the focus should be --God (derp. you're a christian. you should know these things.)-- then something is drastically wrong. Where does the Bible say that a woman must be a wife and mother of 20 to reach her full potential and glory? Nowhere. The Bible does say that a woman is created by God to be loved by Him and to love Him and thereby bringing glory to Him. But I'm getting ahead of myself. That part will come later.

The Negative Effects of Patriarchy

I'll be brief here because I could go on and on and on about how these wrong views and doctrines have affected men, the family and especially women. I've written other pieces on the abuses that result from radical patriarchy, and if you want more on that subject, let me know. But just really quickly, I have to climb up on my soapbox and tie together a couple of things. Through these teachings, the woman is lowered as both an individual and a creation of God. Either the woman is exalted to a position and life purpose she can never maintain nor was ever meant to have, or she is trampled on by the belief that she is the lesser of the genders, not even worthy enough for God to speak to her directly.

In general, the biggest danger of unbiblical patriarchy is this: God is replaced with man. Replacing God is what we humans do best, really, and the biggest tragedy is that we've managed to do it within religion itself.

The Far Left

I'll be more brief on this subject since more people are aware and familiar with its contents. No, I am not going to define this belief system as feminism. Possibly extreme feminism, but for the sake of women who were not allowed to vote, work, own property, or divorce abusive husbands, I'll leave that term be for now. I would define the far left as the teaching of gender equality . . . in a bad way. Hold on; let me explain. It is biblical and correct that both the man and the woman are equally valued, important, loved and spoken to by God. It is unbiblical and incorrect that man and woman are the same. I believe it would be accurate to state that the far left believes whatever the man does the woman can do equally well and vice versa. There are no differentiating factors and/or characteristics between the man and the woman.

No . . . . 

Personally (and I don't mean this offensively to any who hold this view), I find the errors of this view to be self-explanatory, but some others don't. Hence this blog post.

The Biblical Roles of Man and Woman

Now we get down to it. Finally. We all are seeking truth whether we realize it or not. Most likely we all grasp a little piece of truth and are desperately searching for more. I am the same way. I'm not claiming have the divine answer to this issue, nor even a large chunk. I simply want to share the truths I've learned from experience, from others and most importantly from the Bible itself.

Ephesians

This book contains one of the most famous passages defining the role of the man and the woman in the home. Ephesians 5:22-33 paints the picture of marriage in comparison to the unity of Christ and the church, which I happen to think is quite beautiful. Both sides of this issue, however, tend to distort this picture in ways that can only be attributed to our sin nature.

The patriarchal view loves this passage. And I mean loves. It is forever carved into an anvil, waiting to drop and crush any opposition to this viewpoint. The reasons as to why these teachings are wrong as well as how they came about are easily explained. As with most doctrines fundamentalists seem to come up with, these teachings are pulled from their context and blown out of proportion. Those leaning to the right may ask, "How is this pulled out of context? Blown out of proportion, understandable. But context?" Yes, context. Fundies are so busy making sure the wife stays obedient and the husband keeps control they forget about the context. What context exactly? Oh, say . . . the entire Bible. But to be fair and specific, how about the previous chapter? You know, the one that talks about unity in the body of Christ, loving one another, serving one another with humility and gentleness. (Ephesians 4:1-7) Patriarchs seem to forget that passages like these apply to both men and women . . . in relation to both men and women.

Now to the far left these verses practically scream inequality. Yes, a lot of the time it is portrayed that way as well as practiced that way. But does it have to be? No. (Haha, bet you didn't predict that answer.//sarcsam) Just because the woman is called to be submissive and the man is called to be the protector doesn't mean one is better than the other. These roles are simply the different ways we are called to express sacrificial love to each other. And not only called but created. It comes naturally to the separate genders . . . until the sin factor comes in.

1 Corinthians

Among the jumble of talk about head coverings and hair lengths in 1 Corinthians 11, the roles of man and woman are restated. The woman submits to the man, and man is the head of the woman, blah blah blah. But then we come to verses 11-12. Since you are probably too lazy to look those verses up, I'll just copy and paste. (Haha, laziness for the win.) 

11 Nevertheless, in the Lord woman is not independent of man nor man of woman; 12 for as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God. (1 Corinthians 11:11-12)

That doesn't exactly sound like the umbrella of protection to me. Nor does it sound like the extreme feminist view. I'll just leave that one at it is.

An Illustration

If you're still not quite getting it, I'll try my best to put together a quick example for you. I plan to do this through the illustration of the yoke. Not like and egg yolk. An oxen yoke. You know, the yoke that Jesus talks about sharing with each other, the yoke in 2 Corinthians where it talks about being unequally yoked.

Jesus invites us to share His yoke, walking side by side with Him towards the same goal with the same focus. 2 Corinthians uses this comparison in the marriage of believers to unbelievers. What if we join both of these illustrations and apply it to the marriage of two believers? A man and a woman, side by side, working towards the same goal, focused on God. Elevate either the man or the woman, and the balance becomes unequal and the focus skewed. 

Clarifications of Misconceptions

This issue of the correct roles of the genders is one of those bothersome subjects that is both extremely simple and extremely complex. Actually, I believe it's a lot more simple than we think it is. We as humans tend to have a hard time accepting simplicity, however, and so throw our own opinions and views into the mix and make it complicated. I sometimes get this picture of God looking down at us, just smiling and chuckling and remarking fondly to His angels, "Those kids."

One huge pet peeve of mine that is used to complicate this issue is stereotypes. If there is any area that has a crap load of stereotypes, it is the area of genders. Women are always hormonal, men only want sex, only girls like pink, only boys like cars, and on and on the list goes. From personalities to preferences to occupations. It is seriously ridiculous and childish. Get over it, people.

These roles and gender-tendencies God has given us-- we've abused them. Men have degraded women for centuries, women have degraded themselves, women have degraded and disrespected men, men have degraded themselves. We are all guilty of it; we are all responsible for it. Can we stop playing the blame game and own up to our own actions?

In Conclusion . . . 

If you made it through all that, I'm both proud and grateful, and I hoped it made at least an inkling of sense. Pardon any rambling thoughts or grammar errors as I am not taking the time to go back and edit. I've already spent enough time working on this, and I have a life to get back to. (#poorlifedecisions) If you have anything to add or anything to correct, please feel free to contribute. I would absolutely love to hear any ideas, whether in agreement or not.

As I kick my secret soapbox back to its hidden place under my bed, I'd just like to point out that I wasn't trying to point fingers. I'm not mentioning any names of organizations (though if you know me well enough, you'll know where I got a lot of my information), and that was deliberate. It's not a single person's fault or a group of people's doing. It's our own. If we accept wrong and harmful teachings, we are the ones responsible, and it's our duty to weed out wrong ideas.

Also! I must point out the one, huge, incredible resource I've used profusely. And that would be this blog right here: http://www.quiveringdaughters.com/ And if you are feeling extremely ambitious, Hillary McFarland --the blog author-- has written an incredible book dealing with the patriarch movement, and it is definitely worth reading.

Thanks again for reading! 

In Honor Of This Upcoming NaNoWriMo

I minds as well rename November "Kamikaze."

I have never participated in NaNoWriMo (not officially anyways, but I've done similar things), I am working two part time jobs (BARRRISTA (make sure you roll the "r" dramatically)) and I am starting up school full time (Creative Writing degree, here I come!). (That's a lot of parentheses. (I don't usually use that many.))

. . .

(Here. Have some more.)

ANYWAYS. Even though I shall probably die in the attempt and "KILLED IN ACTION" will most likely be stamped across my NaNoWriMo profile, I am psyched for November. My novel idea came from a dream --and those always make the best novels-- and is based in the near future as Russia takes over the United States. The story will involve plenty of action, sleeping on hotel fire escapes, wonderfully complex characters and a little boy crying in his kindergarten class. And it will be just glorious.

I'll plan on posting an actual synopsis in the near future hopefully since all that information I gave you is most of what I know about my novel. Then eventually once November comes around I'll be posting excerpts as well. As long as I don't perish within the first week.

See you on the other side. (Maybe.)